I’ve been doing a little experiment for the past week.
I had been thinking of myself as an introvert for… I don’t know how long, could be months, years… but for the past week, I have been imagining myself as an extrovert.
While in the past year, I will have enjoyed the time I had all by myself and happily spent it cleaning and styling stuff at home, drawing, painting, reading, or watching ants in the garden, and shunned going partying or spending much time hanging out in big groups anymore… but in the past week, I have been throwing myself into more social situations – and finding myself bored with being at home alone.
I usually avoid “feeling bored,” and often tell myself that I never get bored and can always find something I find interesting to do, so it felt pretty weird to let myself experience being restless and bored – and to realise that actually, I have been this bored and restless plenty of times in my life.
This little experiment was originally a reaction to a change in my environment; my only housemate (a.k.a the ♡Sam♡ one) would be away for nearly a week, and there were awesome co-workers birthdays’ to attend, and… I had recently seen a couple Louis Theroux docs on prisons and prison life.
It struck me that certain prisoners were especially good at adapting their mindset to suit their goals. They have various rules of the playground, and various games that are played, but I noticed some prisoners would strongly adhere to and uphold one set of rules, saying, “That’s just the way it is,” only later to completely disregard them and “lose” one game in order to achieve something else.
Deep down, I knew I was going to suffer a lack of entertaining human interaction for a week if I kept playing playing the introvert game. And I said, “Fuck it.”
I felt a lot of familiar experiences during my week “pretending” to be an extrovert, that actually, I’m beginning to think that thinking of myself as an introvert was a just game I had been playing to save a little dolladolla. I would even go so far as to say that I have no idea which flavour I really am. I have practiced being both, and I’m not sure which I prefer to be.
My next game might be to see how quickly and easily I can transition between the two. Maybe it’s not something I can control – or maybe it’s something I can learn to. I won’t know until I try.
If you have been playing any mind games with yourself and your self perceptions, feel free to post a comment or link to your own blogs on the subject in the comments.